- —四川最大高校综合门户网
ALADDINPEDDLER: Oh I come from a land From a faraway place Where the caravan camels roam Where they cut off your ear /Where its flat and immense If they dont like your face /And the heat is intense Its barbaric, but hey--its home! When the winds at your back And the suns from the west And the sand i
a purple dragon (very reminiscent of Figment from EPCOT Center).
The dragon breathes fire, which turns into three HAREM GIRLS,
who dance around ALADDIN. Just as he begins to enjoy them,
they disappear.)
So don't you sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed
I'm here to answer all your midday prayers
You got me bona fide, certified
You got a genie for a charg? d'affairs!
I got a powerful urge to help you out
So what you wish I really want to know
You got a wish that's three miles long, no doubt
So all you gotta do is rub like so, and oh!
(GENIE imitates what he is calling ALADDIN, then turns into a
certificate which rolls up and surrounds ALADDIN. GENIE pulls
a list {written in Arabic} out of ALADDIN's ear, which he uses
to rub his behind like drying off after a shower.)
Mister Aladdin, sir, have a wish or two or three
I'm on the job, you big nabob
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never...had a... friend... like...me!
You ain't never had a friend like me!
(The dancing HAREM GIRLS reappear, and ALADDIN leans in to kiss one.
She turns into the GENIE, who zaps four dancing elephants into
existence. To the other direction, he zaps in four dancing camels,
and a grand finale dancing number ensues. ABU grabs as much gold
as he can, but the GENIE wraps everything up in a cyclone and
zaps it away until they're all back in the cave. GENIE has a
neon "APPLAUSE" sign on his back. ABU turns his hat over and
sees that is is empty.)
GENIE: So what'll it be, master?
ALADDIN: You're gonna grant me any three wishes I want?
GENIE: (As William F. Buckley) Ah, almost. There are a
few provisos, a couple of quid pro quos
ALADDIN: Like?
GENIE: Ah, rule number one: I can't kill anybody. (He
slices his head off with his finger.) So don't
ask. Rule two: I can't make anyone fall in love
with anyone else. (Head turns into a big pair of
lips which kiss ALADDIN.) You little punim, there.
(Lies flat, then gets up and transforms into a
zombie.) Rule three: I can't bring people back from
the dead. It's not a pretty picture, (He grabs
ALADDIN and shakes him) I don't like doing it! (He
poofs back to normal.) Other than that, you got
it!
ALADDIN: (Looks at ABU as if plotting) Ah, provisos? You
mean limitations? On wishes? (To ABU) Some all
powerful genie--can't even bring people back from
the dead. I don't know, Abu--he probably can't even
get us out of this cave. Looks like we're gonna
have to find a way out of here--
(They start to leave, but a big blue foot stomps down in front of
them.)
GENIE: Excuse me? Are you lookin' at
me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up, did
you bring me here? And all of a sudden, you're
walkin' out on me? (Gets madder and madder) I
don't think so, not right now. You're gettin' your
wishes, so siddown! (They all get on CARPET.
GENIE takes the form of a stewardess, with lots of
arms pointing out the exits.) In case of
emergency, the exits are here, here, here,
here,here, here, here, here, here, here, here,
here, anywhere! Keep your hands and arms inside
the carpet. Weeee'rrrrrreee...outta here!
(The CARPET and passengers fly out of the sand in the desert and off
into the distance. Cut to int. of SULTAN's chamber. JAFAR is
there with IAGO, JASMINE and the SULTAN.)
SULTAN: Jafar, this is an outrage. If it weren't for all
your years of loyal service... . From now on,
you are to discuss sentencing of prisoners with me,
before they are beheaded.
JAFAR: I assure you, your highness, it won't happen again.
SULTAN: Jasmine, Jafar, now let's put this whole messy
business behind us. Please?
JAFAR: My most abject and humblest apologies to you as
well, princess. (He takes her hand to kiss it, but
she yanks it away.)
JASMINE: At least some good will come of my being forced to
marry. When I am queen, I will have the
power to get rid of you.
SULTAN: That's nice. All settled, then. Now, Jasmine,
getting back to this suitor business, (he
looks and sees Jasmine walking out) Jasmine?
Jasmine! (He runs after her.)
JAFAR: If only I had gotten that lamp!
IAGO: (As JASMINE) I will have the power to get rid of
you! D'oh! To think--we gotta keep kissing
up to that chump, and his chump daughter for the
rest of our lives...
JAFAR: No, Iago. Only until she finds a chump husband.
Then she'll have us banished--or beheaded!
BOTH: Eeewww!
IAGO: (Has an idea) Oh! Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Jafar? What if you were the chump husband?
JAFAR: (He looks at IAGO in insult) What?
IAGO: Okay, you marry the princess,all right? Then, uh,
you become sultan!
JAFAR: Oh!Marry the shrew? I become sultan. The idea has
merit!
IAGO: Yes, merit! Yes! And then we drop papa-in-law and
the little woman off a cliff! (Dive bombs into the
floor) Kersplat!
JAFAR: Iago, I love the way your foul little mind works!
(Both laugh as we cut to an oasis in the desert,
