bolts out the
door and into the night. A moment passes.
JIM (CONT'D)
Regurgitation.
INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - NIGHT
Stifler is on his knees, barfing in the toilet. Jim and
a few other guys rush in.
GUY #1
Oh, gross.
JIM
Jesus, what did you eat?
Stifler just keeps hurling. Kevin enters, holding the
remains of the tainted beer.
KEVIN
Stifler, how's the man chowder?!
Stifler barfs even more violently.
EXT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - BACK PORCH, BY THE KEG - NIGHT
Jessica and Vicky are refilling their beers at the keg.
Nadia waits patiently beside them with an empty cup.
VICKY
He likes it.
JESSICA
Of course he does. What about you?
Have you just never had one with Kevin
-- or have you never had one, period?
VICKY
I think I've had one.
JESSICA
Well that's a no. No wonder you're
not psyched about sex.
(starts filling Vicky's beer)
You've never even had one manually?
VICKY
...I've never tried it.
JESSICA
Are you kidding? You've never double-
clicked your mouse?
Vicky shrugs.
JESSICA (CONT'D)
Hell, just a pair of tight pants will
set me off.
(noticing Nadia next to them,
she passes the tap along)
Am I right or what, Nadia?
NADIA
(no bones about it)
You are right. The hands are not
always necessary.
JESSICA
(to Vicky)
See?
NADIA
In fact -- I should teach you my own
special method. I developed it myself
at the ballet institute in Prague.
You use nothing but the muscles of the
inner thigh.
Nadia walks off.
JESSICA
No wonder she never pays attention in
class.
Vicky nods, traumatized.
INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - LATER
Kevin and Jim are looking at a PICTURE OF STIFLER'S MOM
on the wall. Very attractive, late 30's.
JIM
Shit, I can't believe a fine woman
like this produced a guy like Stifler.
TWO FRESHMAN GUYS are walking by as Jim says this.
FRESHMAN GUY
Dude! That chick -- is a MILF!
FRESHMAN GUY #2
What the hell is that?
FRESHMAN GUY
M-I-L-F! Mom I'd Like to Fuck!
Suddenly, a bedroom door opens a couple inches. Sherman
pokes his head out.
SHERMAN
(hushed, to guys)
Don't you think you fellas could try a
little tact? I've got company. Know
what I mean?
In the bedroom in the background, we see the Central
Girl. Sherman closes the door, leaving the guys there,
dumbstruck.
INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - STAIRWAY - NIGHT
Jim and Kevin are coming down the stairs.
KEVIN
(snapping)
Dammit! If Sherman has sex before I
do, I'm gonna be really fucking
pissed.
They turn the corner into the kitchen.
INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUING
KEVIN
Man, I just gotta get laid already!
This blowjob thing is bullshit!
He stops. Vicky is there with Jessica. Staring at him.
Vicky quietly grabs her purse. Hurt. OTHER STUDENTS
watch, silently. Kevin doesn't know what to say.
VICKY
Jessica, can you drive me home?
JESSICA
Sure.
The guys watch as the girls head for the door.
KEVIN
Vicky, wait.
VICKY
Not for you.
The girls exit. Nobody says anything. Kevin is in
shock.
PARTY GUY (O.S.)
Yeti! I am the Yeti!
INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - DAY
The next morning. The party is long over. Plastic beer
cups and various bottles litter the house, but it's not
trashed.
Jim is wandering around in a daze, holding his head. He
stumbles over a body. It's Kevin.
KEVIN
Ow, what the hell?
JIM
Sorry, I thought you were dead.
They walk over to the other side of the room. Finch is
sitting on the couch.
FINCH
Good morning gentleman.
JIM
Finch! Where were you last night?
What happened to the foolproof plan?
FINCH
I thought a fashionably late entrance
would enhance my appearance.
(off their looks)
When I got here, the Bacchanalia was
over and the nymphs had left.
Oz wanders in, still sullen. Takes a seat, sulking.
KEVIN
Feeling better, Oz?
OZ
I'm such a loser.
KEVIN
That's the spirit.
We hear FOOTSTEPS coming down the stairs. It's the
CENTRAL GIRL. She wears a "Central" sweatshirt. Sherman
follows behind her. The guys watch in disbelief as
Sherman and the girl speak hushed, intimately.
SHERMAN
(snippets of conversation)
...I'll never forget...thank you.
The Central Girl smiles. Notices the other guys
watching. Just gives Sherman a kiss on the cheek.
CENTRAL GIRL
Bye.
She exits. The guys are dumbfounded. Jaws hang.
Sherman looks triumphant. Strides over to the guys.
JIM
You did it.
SHERMAN
Fellas, say goodbye to Chuck Sherman,
the boy. I am now a man.
The guys are shocked and amazed.
SHERMAN (CONT'D)
I highly recommend you join the club.
KEVIN
I -- I don't get it, how the hell did
you do that?
SHERMAN
It was just my time, fellas, it was
just my time. Best of luck to you,
boys.
Sherman exits. Silence. The guys look like they just
lost the World Series on errors. They slowly take seats,
ruined.
KEVIN
I put in months of quality time with
Vicky. Sherman meets a chick for one
night and scores? This is just wrong.
OZ
No shit, I'm never gonna get laid.
How the hell am I gonna become this
Mr. Sensitive Man?
JIM
Jesus, we're all gonna go to college
as virgins. They've probably got
special dorms for people like us.
A long beat as they give this serious consideration.
Then, Kevin strides purposefully to the front of the
group.
KEVIN
Alright, I got an idea. But it stays
between us. Agreed?
They do.
KEVIN (cont'd)
Okay. It's really simple. We
make an agreement -- no wait, more
than an agreement.
JIM
Like a bet?
KEVIN
No, a
pact. No money involved. This
is more important than any bet. Now
here's the deal: We all get laid
before we graduate.
A beat
OZ
Dude, it's not like I haven't been
trying to get laid.
KEVIN
This is different. This is better.
Think of when you're working out, Oz.
You need a partner, someone to spot
you. Someone to keep you motivated.
Oz nods, getting into it. Kevin smiles and continues,
arms outspread.
KEVIN (CONT'D)
That's what we are, we keep each other
on track. Prior to this day,
上一页 [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] ... 下一页 >>
